His Trials

Recently I got an awesome new scrapbooking design program. I have been able to make a book of our wedding, a family calendar, and postcards for our youth group kids. Last month I made a wife's prayer book. I used the book "Power of a Praying Wife" to create a daily prayer book to pray for my husband. I had it bound and gave a copy to my mom as well as some of my other friends. Now we can pray each day for a different aspect of our husband's life. I also included a verse to go along with each topic. This has helped me to be able to pray in a more effective way. Also, it provides an accountability aspect with my mom.

Today's topic was "His Trials." This morning when I flipped to today's page, I was a bit confused. A few days ago I had prayed for his temptations and wondered as to why the author of the original book had choosen to use both of those words. They seemed somewhat synonymous to me, trials and temptations, they seemed interchangeable in my mind. For my devotions today, I decided to do forego my typical study and did some research on the difference between these two words. What I found was that trials are certain situations or circumstances that God brings into our life to test and improve our faith and patience levels. Temptations on the other hand are specific sin issues that test our sin nature. One is meant to develop and one is meant to destroy. We can bear the weight of both of those things if we have a solid footing in Christ. While temptations are linked with sin and human nature, trials are linked to growth and spiritual development. I honestly hadn't thought about the two words before today, yet now I see how they are completely different. One seeks to develop and one seeks to destroy. Currently, one of our pastors is doing a series on Job. I guess my devos thoughts today tie in directly. Isn't it cool when something like that happens? Job was faced with trials and temptations. The trial was meant to improve his faith in God while the temptation was intended to get Job discouraged, frustrated, doubtful, and ultimately according to his wife, to curse God and die. I wouldn't blame him if he did all of those things. Honestly, it sounds bad, but that kind of pain and heartache seems so difficult to comprehend. Yet, that trial, brought on by Satan, allowed by God, was to prove Job's faith in God and to also improve his faith in God. "Blessed be the name of the Lord"

So, all that to say, may we seek to turn away temptations and to praise God for his faithfulness even in whatever trials may come our way.

God, I pray for Matt and his past, present, and future trials. May he use his past trials as a bringboard and memory of your faithfulness over time. May his present trials teach him lessons of your goodness and provision. May his future trials be light and his heart ready to bear whatever comes his way.

The Past

I just kind of rediscovered my own blog today. I realized that I am not a big blogger. I am a thinker. I spend SO much time thinking but feel frustrated or overwhelmed when I even consider recording my thoughts on either paper or computer. I want my handwriting to be legible, my grammar to be proper, and know that I will spend too much time rereading and analyzing my own writings. Pretty pathetic attitude laced with OCD tendencies, I know...all that to say, that I wish I was more of a journaling person. I reread my xanga site from college the other day. It is so funny to see how naive and fun-loving I was. I spent time blogging about completely unimportant events yet now I simply laugh at those memories. I was able to read about the first time I hung out with a "new friend" named Matt. WOW! I am thankful I do have those memories recorded...now just how to get them off the vast world wide web and into a book. (Perhaps a new project I will embark on. :)

When we first got married I had every intention of journaling so that I would have those memories to look back on. Memories of the honeymoon, our first week back in our new home as a new couple, our first fight, the struggle to make ends meet, the many provisions and direct answers to prayers. I wholeheartedly regret that I did not pen those memories as they were happening. I'd love to go back and read the emotions linked with our first fight or the joy abounding as God provided a car for us. I have those memories in my head and my heart but they are distant, clouded, and faint. I wish I could hold on to those raw emotions and see more vividly how God has worked. Right before we got married I heard a sermon about the children of Israel and how they made an altar to remember God's deliverance. Then the men took those rocks home as a daily reminder of God's ever present hand at work. The speaker encouraged each person to start collecting items for an altar box. Since our marriage, I have done that. I am so thankful to have that small box filled with little reminders. A note from a casual friend that accompanied $300, a photo of the car God provided, the note Matt wrote me on my first day of subbing, my first official teaching contract....the list goes on. So, even though I don't have the heat-of-the-moment emotions documented, I have those simple reminders forever. May I use those small items to recall the emotions and details of each scene as I review the filmstrip of my life, each scene flowing perfectly into the next. By looking backward, may I be reminded to trust the director as the future snapshots come into focus, each a polariod that only becomes clear in His timing. For now, contentment in the future because of His faithfulness in my past.

I'd like to be more of a blogger, I really would. I'd love to have experiences documented, thoughts shared, and blessings recorded. Let's see where this gets me...

Mr. Lockwood, Substitute Teacher

Today was one of the best days we've had in our marriage....let me take a step back and explain.

I have been subbing in our local school district for three months now and usually get 4-5 days a week of work. Well all the while, Matt has been working at Lowe's and we have been trying to make ends meet. Recently we decided that Matt should apply to be a substitute teacher as well. See, Matt's schedule at Lowe's is NEVER predictable. He gets two days off a week but we never know which two days. Since we have been married, we have only been able to go to church together 4 times. His usual days off are Mondays and Thursdays but I say "usual" loosely...So, we figured on those random weekdays off, he should sub and try to get his foot in the door. As of Monday March 16th Matt was a sub! Since he is subbing in the Middle and High Schools, they told him that he would get called a lot. Well, he got called multiple times each morning the beginning of this week. After much thought and discussion, we decided that it would be wise for his future career for him to quit Lowe's and be a full-time sub. While this is a step of faith, we know that God will provide the sub jobs needed for us to make it. So, that is why my day was so amazing...

For the first time ever, Matt and I got to wake up TOGETHER! (He used to get up at 4, I'd get up make him breakfast and go back to bed...) We got ready TOGETHER. We ate breakfast TOGETHER. We drove to school TOGETHER. I can't tell you how excited I am about this change. We are going to get our first weekend off together! Also, Matt so hated his other job and this has just helped us be more positive because we are both doing what we desire to do....TEACH!

I love my husband and am so happy that he is able to do what he loves to do. He's so good with the students and I can't wait to see where this takes us...

Flood

flood /flʌd/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [fluhd]
–noun
1. a great flowing or overflowing of water, esp. over land not usually submerged.

Well, the Lockwood residence has been flooded...by a water heater. We woke up Thursday morning to carpet wet enough that it splashed. Apparently the water heater leaked ALL night into our house. Luckily Matt had Thursday off of work and could quickly move as much furniture and such in the dry kitchen. We were scrambling around trying to call our landlord while I was crying and searching for dry clothes to wear as I had to sub!! Well, here I am two days later...my house a complete DIVE! Each time I go to find some more clothes, I come away crying at the mess of carpet, mud, etc. while praying all my "stuff" is okay. We have been blessed with good friends who let us stay with them while our house dries out and is recarpeted. We will probably be staying here until Monday or Tuesday. Thank God for providing us with good friends!

So, despite it all, we truly are blessed. Things could have been much worse. Also, there is so much tragedy in this world, one little flooded apartment isn't the end of the world. We are being optimistic and trying to make the most of it. Its like camping I guess...

The Five Love Languages

I just finished reading The Five Love Languages. I found the book to be very practical and an easy read. There are many different ways we as humans give and receive love. Many times we try to show others we love them by giving the same form of love we wish to receive. The book finished with a "test" to determine how you feel most loved. It proved what I had guessed my love language to be. Despite the fact that I have finished the book and spent time really thinking, I still am not sure of Matt's love language. I hope he will read the book and lend me "insight!" I want to spend my time loving most effectively. I think this book can and will change many marriages.

After finishing this book, I jumped right into the next book I had on my "book list"- The Excellent Wife. A friend of mine said she loved it. Well I just spend the last hour "skimming" it as I was very frustrated with even the first few chapters. I know that the wife is supposed to be the submissive wife and such and I am working on that, yet it seemed so condescending. As in, don't ever want anything for yourself....I just felt overwhelmed with how much I was "expected" to give and do. Yes, I want to be a good wife but I feel it is much more than just me giving. Matt is to be respected and I do need to submit, but I see it as a partnership where you BOTH focus on putting EACH OTHER FIRST! Needless to say, I put it aside.

Now for my next book....
For Women Only (again)
or
Crazy Love

Suggestions?

Matthew and Jessica

In the program from our wedding I wrote...

"Our relationship began three years ago with a conversation about Broadway musicals. Now we see that God has been setting the stage all this time. So today we start this new scene in our lives - a scene perfectly scripted by Him, just for us...forever."

Every day together has been a great journey. Each day a new scene written by Him. It is so encouraging to know that even during "mid-scene conflicts", the playwright has penned our scenes and ultimately our finale together - for our marriage is a forever commitment. We need not worry about the future or how the act will unfold. The director has things under control....

Love is a shelter in a raging storm.
Love is a peace in a middle of a war.
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door.
No, love is not a fight, but is something worth fighting for.

This is something that I try to live by each day. Financial frustrations, miscommunications, futal arguments...we are a team and our marriage IS the thing we should be fighting for not against. We have been so blessed with loving families that are a constant encouragement. We may not be where we want to be with jobs and such, yet we are where God wants us and we will be content! I love Matthew so much and am continually learning how to be his wife, a godly wife. His love, patience, and desire to provide speak volumes that I cannot explain. The future looks to hold so many different things and so many exciting things. I can't wait for the curtain to open to begin a new scene with my leading man! :)